And Still
by Une-chan
Summary: 1x2 Duo tries to make up for all the pain the war caused, and his life in turn becomes miserable. When he sees Heero again, can he bear the old pain? Even after 15 years?


And Still  
  
Duo sat on the ledge of the garden wall, contemplating the events of the past few days. His fingers twined their way through the thick green ivy running along the wall. Sadness crept into his eyes as he watched the neighborhood children scamper about the street below.   
  
The children crowded around a small boy who held a baby iguana. His parents evidently had a bit of money, since none of the children were allowed pets. No one in town had the money to waste on animals. The people could barely feed themselves, let alone animals. The children noted every detail of the lizard before dismissing it in favor of a game of baseball.  
  
The war had done many bad things for so many people, and Duo tried every day to make amends for what he knew was partly his fault. But he knew one thing for sure. If the Gundams had not fought, then the war would still be going. The colonists would then be much worse off. That was something Duo knew would never be possible, for the lack of supplies now would be certain death for the townspeople if it became lower.   
  
He glanced to the nearby corner, where he noticed a familiar set of prussian blue eyes attempting to capture his attention. His breath caught as he realized just who those eyes belonged to.  
  
//Heero... but, how? How did he find me? Why here? Oh, Gods... he's walking over here. Please let me have the strength to face him, to talk to him as if I didn't die the last time he walked away and never came back.//  
  
Thousands of people live in this town  
And I had to run into him  
When I saw him there on that busy street  
Those feelings came back again  
There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide  
He walked up to me, looked in my eyes  
  
Duo's hands were damp, and sweat ran down his brow. He was seeing his one and only love. He couldn't run or hide like he wanted to. There was nowhere to go, for Heero was persistent and would find him very soon. There was no way that he could now face him and not show the pain and fear that still encompassed his heart. He slipped down from the wall and made his way toward a fountain a few steps away in the garden. A few moments later, Heero appeared and lowered himself to the edge of the fountain beside Duo.   
  
And still  
The world stood still  
I couldn't move  
And all I could feel  
Was this aching in my heart  
Saying I loved him still  
  
Duo's heart shuddered and threatened to burst. If only he could bring himself to look the other man in the eye. Almost 15 years now, and Duo was unmarried and unhappy. Yet Heero's eyes did not show any of the turmoil Duo had been through. Instead, they were slightly crinkled at the corners from laughing. Duo sighed and pulled his heart in a little tighter. //Hold on, Maxwell. He's here, and he's probably not hunting you out. He probably just happened to be in the city and saw you.//  
  
Heero stood up and walked around to stoop in front of Duo. The long haired man had tears threatening to spill from the lavender depths of his eyes. Control was slipping slowly away as he took a good look at the man before him. So many years, yet he still looked the same. He had only matured and filled out. Duo, on the other hand, had wasted away. He looked almost as pitiful as the orphans roaming through the city did.  
  
He said how've you been  
It's great to see you again  
You're really a sight for sore eyes  
I said, I can't complain  
I'm doing fine  
We talked as the people rushed by  
We laughed about old times and all we went through  
That's when he hugged me and said I've missed you  
  
"How... have you been, Duo?" The pause was punctuated by a genuine look of concern in the former pilot's eyes. "You look... good." Heero's hands trembled as he pushed the limp bangs out of Duo's face.   
  
Duo looked away and muttered, "Fine." Saddened eyes betrayed him and dripped a few of the tears. "I can't complain, I guess. I just wish I could do more for them." Duo gestured to the small boys running through the maze of shrubs to their left. "I give everything I earn, but it's still not enough." The old trust and pain returned to Duo's eyes, never having left his heart in the first place. They had only been pushed aside until he could no longer contain them.  
  
"You... give it all?" Heero looked confused for a moment before realization dawned on him. Duo did have money, but he gave it all to the children that needed it. He didn't keep enough to even properly feed himself. Heero felt his heart constrict as he took in Duo's physical state. Everything he wore was threadbare and beyond repair, even though it was in better shape than that of the town's other occupants. He wore no shoes, although Heero suspected that was by choice. He had always known Duo to be a limit-free soul, and he had been known to complain often about having to wear clothes and shoes.   
  
The body that had once been so trim and beautiful now spoke of hunger and deprivation. The creamy skin had turned to a lighter shade and stretched across his torso in an almost painful manner. Duo's eyes were faded and tired. None of the old light that was Duo Maxwell remained. It was only a mere shell that looked like him.   
  
Heero suddenly pulled Duo to him in a tight hug, hurting for all the things Duo had been through since their last parting. He regretted walking out on Duo, but the pain and loss had been inevitable. Nothing could have fixed the pain in Duo's heart left over from the war. Duo was just too loving and sentimental to let go of it all. Heero had hoped that all the time he had given Duo would help him heal, but it seemed that the old prophecy was doomed to be unfulfilled.  
  
And still  
The world stood still  
I couldn't move  
And all I could feel  
Was this aching in my heart  
Saying I loved him still  
  
Duo's arms slowly made their way around Heero's neck. Heero held him tighter and feared weeping for the agony emanating from Duo. It wrenched his heart and racked his body, not leaving room for him to even breathe. Heero kissed him on the forehead and let a few stray tears make a path down his cheeks. Never had he imagined that Duo would only sink farther into his misery.  
  
"I missed you, Duo. I missed you so much. Ai shiteru, Duo. No matter what I keep telling myself, I will always love you. I'm sorry.. so sorry. I thought it would be better for you if you didn't have me around to remind you of it all. I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry, Duo." Heero rocked back and forth, his body shuddering with the tears and sorrow of the past few years.  
  
Duo shook harder and clung to Heero with impenetrable memories running through his mind. His subconscious replayed all the times Heero had told him of his love. Duo had never really absorbed the full impact of the emotions, but he felt it all now. Everything that had been whispered on those treasured nights, stolen from the chaos of war, had been true.  
  
That's when she walked up to him  
He said, this is my wife  
I gave my best smile  
But I was dying inside  
He said we gotta go now  
It's getting late  
It was so good to see you  
Then they walked away  
  
Heero pulled away slowly. Duo caught a glimpse of a pretty ebony-haired woman behind Heero. She stepped up to the pair and smiled at Duo.  
  
"Hello, Duo." She offered her hand to him. Duo cast a confused look at her and pushed Heero farther away.  
  
"Who are you?" He asked hesitantly. If she gave the answer he was thinking she would, he might just die right there. She lost the smile for a moment and watched Duo out of bright violet eyes.  
  
"I'm Fiora. It's nice to meet you." She smiled at Duo again and then turned to Heero. "Darling, we need to be going. Our shuttle leaves in less than an hour. We'll never get to Mother's on time if we don't catch this one."  
  
Duo blinked. "Darling? Mother's? Heero?" He pulled Heero's face down to look into his eyes. "what's she talking about, Heero?"  
  
"Duo..." He sighed. This, surely, would break Duo past any point of return, but it could not be avoided. "Duo, this is my wife. We're going to her mother's home on L3 to celebrate Christmas."  
  
Duo's heart felt like it had been ripped out and stomped on. The impact of the statement slammed into him and made him fall forward into Heero's arms. The tears that fell this time were unstoppable.  
  
And still  
The world stood still  
I couldn't move  
And all I could feel  
Was this aching in my heart  
Saying I loved him ... still  
  
"I'm sorry, Duo. I'm so sorry." Heero whispered his apology repeatedly into Duo's ears, but Duo didn't hear him. He couldn't hear anything past the roaring in his ears.  
  
Slowly, Heero pushed Duo back out of his arms and lowered him back to the fountain's edge. "Duo, I have to go. I'll come back sometime. I promise. For now, goodbye."  
  
Duo glanced up at the two and plastered on a smile. //I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.// Duo's mind threw the phrase at him and he spit it out at Heero and Fiora. "I'm fine."  
  
Duo watched the couple leave the garden. He then sank to the ground below the fountain and curled up in a ball. As he rocked back and forth, Duo repeated the only thing his mind would allow him to say. "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine."  
  
Days later, the blood seeped from Duo's mouth as the sickness overtook him and racked his body with the painful cough one last time. As the last breath left his mouth in a slight sigh, he whispered, "Ai shiteru, Heero. Ai shiteru, koibito."  
  
Heero rushed through the door just in time to hear the words pass through Duo's pale lips. The cold, metallic smell of the hospital and the pallid man before him were etched into his memory forever. The last memory of the only person he ever truly loved.   
  
As Fiora entered the room, she noted the death in the air and hugged Heero from behind. "He will live on, my love. In your heart and in your soul, you will always be his." 


End file.
